Walpurgisnacht 2021

Soon it will be midnite, in New York.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Arthur C, Clarke

It’s all just sufficiently advanced technology, quantum physics actually. You have a really powerful quantum computer situated behind your eyeballs and between your ears. Problem being, however, is that the user interface is something along the lines of what you see on an Altair 8080. You’re gonna have to do a lot of switch flipping if you want to hear The Fool On the Hill, or even Daisy Bell.

Assuming I haven’t scared you off yet, here’s what you can do as a start. You need to be 110% sure of what you want your program to be. In computer science we have a term, GIGO: Garbage In Garbage Out. Mistakes in this code would not be good.

Once you get to that point, you need to go down to the crossroads, any one will do. You won’t be selling your soul to anyone or anything. There’s only one religion that believes in that, and they all got scared off when I said the words “quantum physics.” I will say this, however, everything comes at a cost, and when you make a deal with who Bob Dylan calls “The Chief Commander on this earth and the world we can’t see,” you better hold up your end of the bargain. Is it worth it? Sure is, if you’re strong enough.

There’s a lot of erroneous information about how you make a deal at the crossroads. You don’t have to go at midnite, and “The Devil” ain’t gonna show up with a contract unless you want to use that particular OS in your personal quantum computer. I hear it’s got more bugs than a bait store, and I’ve already warned you about GIGO. You do have to leave something though. Go down to the local package store and pick up a nipper bottle of something decent, or a nice cigar from the local smoke shop. The loose change will also work if you have nothing else to give. Doesn’t have to be really valuable, just a token something of value. Leave it someplace fairly hidden in the crossroads, the exact location is unimportant, and try not to have anyone see you do it, or they might try to hack your code because they don’t agree with you.

You won’t see any drastic changes right away. Quantum programming of this nature is slow and subtle in its action and results. Also, if you are not you are 110% sure of what you want your program to be, you will get that GIGO situation I warned you about earlier. Sometime after you do this you might want to wander a library or bookstore for an hour or two. I guarantee the results will be productive and interesting.

An acquaintance of mine said that he saw the Raspberry Pi 400 for sale at his local Target Store. I haven’t seen them at mine, but it might be worth cruising the STEM toy section if you’re visiting one. This might be a good purchase after your crossroads ritual, along with some books from the technology section of your local bookstore that may have caught your eye. The Raspberry Pi is a powerful tool in our work.

This is some strong medicine here, so please treat it with respect, be uber careful with it, and most of all don’t fuck with it if you’re not 110% certain, committed, and good to go with yourself. If you are not of the age/condition where your frontal lobe is more or less fully developed and working you should likewise leave this the hell alone. Otherwise, the results will not be to your liking.

As we approach Beltane, I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Published by T.W. Lee

Agent of Interzone Intelligence.

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